I’m not one of those people who stops loving or caring about the people who have been in my life, even if I’ve lost them. No matter how badly things end, I still care. I’d still be there for you. I’d still help you. If we managed to sustain any type of important relationship, be that romantic or friendly, then there was obviously something we once valued in each other. And I think that’s worth remembering.
Yes, sometimes when things end, its ugly and messy. There’s a natural grieving period. People are hurt and angry and upset. But that should be just a passing phase. At some point, instead of living in anger, isn’t it better to honor what was? I mean there was once love there, shouldn’t that carry the most weight We’re supposed to stick with each other in good times and bad, through the ebbs and flows of life and the seasons of the way we relate to one another. These things aren’t just marriage vows. They’re relationship vows. They’re humanity vows.
I know that this way of thinking makes me unique. At least in my lifetime, it’s hardly been my experience. People don’t seem to want to stay kind or decent. Mostly people fight, cut all ties, and walk away. Boom. Over. And it’s usually over nothing. Or a lot of nothing’s we refused to acknowledge along the way. We’re so slow to come together and so quick to break apart.
But you can’t undo time spent together. You can’t un-experience. You can’t unlearn the lessons you learned together. You can’t deny the time you walked down the same path. And why should you? Each day makes us who we are. We should celebrate anyone who helped bring us to where we are now. I just wish those I have cared about also felt the same way. Why live in hate and anger? Those emotions only hurt and dishonor ourselves. Our seething has zero effect on the ones we’re mad at from a distance.
So here’s what I propose. Why not live in loyalty? When we get into relationships, we make certain commitments to one another, some obvious, some unspoken. To me, the biggest is loyalty. Loyalty isn’t about agreeing. It’s about supporting. It isn’t temporary. It’s forever. My loyalty towards someone will never wane even if we’re no longer in each other’s lives. Even after the messiest of breakups, I’d still help out my ex. It wouldn’t be right to leave someone in trouble. There is no payback. There is no tit for tat. There’s just the quality of human being you decide to be. And that is demonstrated in every choice you make.
Maybe it’s time to make some different choices.
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